So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
