Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
