At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
