all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
