I want to make a zoo with you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
