'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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