who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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