Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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