I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
