i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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