Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
