dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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