I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
