Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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