Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
