I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
