my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
