Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
