Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
