smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
