im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
