Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
