ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my phone needs a breathalizer
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
