i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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