Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
