in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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