well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dignity is for republicans.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
