Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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