My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
