Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Panties = found
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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