Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
