we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
