Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
