Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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