Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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