so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
