sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
