That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
