if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
