My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
