wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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