Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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