So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
