You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
