whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
