I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
