I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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