Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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