gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are a genius and a whore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
