So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
